BPD and Building Successful Relationships

G. Pacana

3/26/20242 min read

couple sitting near trees during golden hour
couple sitting near trees during golden hour

“The holy grail of the life of someone with BPD is to find that caring, compassionate person who will magically fill their empty insides, take care of them and their needs, and never leave them feeling alone again.”

― Paul T. Mason, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Establishing and maintaining relationships can be challenging for anyone, but for individuals with BPD, these difficulties can be particularly difficult. However, difficult does not mean impossible.

Individuals with borderline personality disorder grapple with a number of unique challenges when it comes to relationships. The characteristic features of BPD, including intense emotions, abandonment fears, and impulsivity, can significantly impact the dynamics of interpersonal connections. People with BPD often experience heightened emotional reactions to perceived slights or rejection, leading to frequent mood swings and conflict within relationships.

Moreover, their fear of abandonment may manifest in clingy or overly dependent behaviors, driving partners or friends away. Additionally, the impulsivity commonly associated with BPD can result in risky behaviors or impulsive decisions that strain relationships further. Whether in platonic or romantic relationships, the effects of BPD symptoms can be profound, creating instability, mistrust, and discord that challenge the ability of individuals with BPD to form and preserve relationships.

To improve relationship success, individuals with BPD can cultivate a range of skills and strategies tailored to their unique needs.

  • Learning effective communication skills, such as active listening and assertiveness, empowers individuals to express their thoughts and feelings openly while also validating their partner's perspective.

  • Developing self-awareness and self-reflection is essential for identifying triggers and patterns in relationships, allowing individuals to better understand their emotional responses and make conscious choices in their interactions.

  • Practicing distress tolerance techniques, such as deep breathing and mindfulness exercises, helps manage intense emotions during conflicts or disagreements, enabling individuals to respond calmly and thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

  • Building resilience and coping skills equips individuals with the tools needed to navigate relationship challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain a sense of balance and well-being. By honing these skills and strategies, individuals with BPD can foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships characterized by mutual respect, understanding, and resilience.

Establishing trust and open communication with partners lays a strong foundation for a healthy relationship dynamic. By openly discussing feelings, needs, and boundaries, both partners can develop a deeper understanding of each other and build mutual trust over time. Additionally, managing jealousy and insecurity in romantic relationships involves recognizing and challenging irrational thoughts and fears, practicing self-soothing techniques, and building self-esteem and confidence. Addressing the fear of abandonment and attachment issues is crucial, as individuals with BPD may struggle with intense fears of rejection or abandonment, which can undermine relationship stability.

Successful relationships require effort, patience, and an ongoing commitment to personal growth and healing. By implementing some simple strategies, individuals with BPD can cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships and lead more fulfilling lives overall.