BPD and Emotional Reasoning

G. Pacana

12/22/20234 min read

“I couldn’t trust my own emotions. Which emotional reactions were justified, if any? And which ones were tainted by the mental illness of BPD? I found myself fiercely guarding and limiting my emotional reactions, chastising myself for possible distortions and motivations.” ― Rachel Reiland

One of the many challenging aspects of living with borderline personality disorder is overcoming “emotional reasoning.” Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion that involves making decisions based on feelings rather than facts. It's a common characteristic of people with BPD, and it can lead to a cycle of negative emotions and behaviors. This is not to say that their feelings aren't valid. Feelings can certainly be valid but not based on facts.

Emotional reasoning is when our emotions have such a strong influence on us that we automatically think they represent the objective truth. Whatever we feel, we believe it to be true without any conditions or supporting facts. This often happens when we're experiencing negative emotions or in a certain mental state.

People with borderline personality disorder in particular tend to overvalue their thoughts and feelings. As children individuals with BPD frequently had their feelings invalidated by parents or caregivers. The result is that as adults they overvalue their feelings rather than reliving the pain of invalidation they felt as children.

Emotional reasoning as a cognitive distortion entails inaccurately evaluating yourself and your circumstances, including people with whom you interact, based on the emotions you are experiencing. For example, if you are experiencing anxiety you may incorrectly conclude that an adverse or dangerous event may occur or that you will not be able to cope with a future outcome.

  • If you are experiencing depression, you may incorrectly conclude that you are worthless, your current life is terrible and your future is hopeless.

  • If you are experiencing anger, you may incorrectly conclude that someone with whom you interact is uncaring or does not respect you.

  • If you are experiencing frustration, you may incorrectly conclude that you are not making any progress in key areas of your life such as work or school and relationships.

  • And if you are experiencing guilt, you may incorrectly conclude that you are responsible for causing harm which is unforgivable.

In these situations, our emotions can even override our thoughts, actions, and logical thinking. Emotional reasoning can stem from various situations, but most of them are usually related to some form of trauma.

For individuals with BPD, emotional reasoning can significantly affect their perception of reality, leading to impulsive behaviors, unstable relationships, and intense emotional reactions. They may often rely on their feelings as the sole basis for their thoughts, actions, and beliefs, which can be both distressing for them and challenging for those around them.

Emotional reasoning can be caused by various factors, and its causes can be complex and individualized. The following factors often contribute to emotional reasoning in certain people:

  • Past Experiences: Previous life experiences and traumas can shape how individuals perceive and interpret current situations. If someone has had negative or traumatic experiences, their emotions from those experiences may influence their reasoning in similar situations.

  • Invalidating Caregivers: Being raised in an invalidating environment where caregivers did not take thoughts and feelings seriously.

  • Environmental Influences: The environment in which a person grows up and lives can contribute to emotional reasoning. Cultural, familial, or social influences may shape an individual's emotional responses and how they reason based on those emotions.

  • Mental Health Conditions: Emotional reasoning is often associated with various mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders, depression, and borderline personality disorder. These conditions can affect the way individuals process emotions and make judgments.

  • Lack of Emotional Regulation Skills: Some individuals may not have developed effective skills for regulating and managing their emotions. In the absence of these skills, they might rely on emotional reasoning as a default way of coping with challenging situations.

The impact of emotional reasoning on individuals with BPD can be far-reaching. It may lead to a distorted understanding of events, causing them to misinterpret others' intentions, magnify negative emotions, or perceive rejection where it may not exist. This can, in turn, intensify their emotional distress, fuel impulsive behaviors, and strain relationships

The important aspect to remember is that once you’re aware of this type of thinking, there are concrete ways to help end these patterns of distortion. According to experts, practicing these skills below can help your thoughts be rooted in reality rather than emotion.

Challenging Negative and Distorted Thoughts and Beliefs

Challenging and reframing distorted thoughts and beliefs is a fundamental step in overcoming emotional reasoning, especially for individuals with BPD.

One effective strategy to challenge distorted thoughts is to engage in cognitive restructuring. This involves identifying negative or irrational thoughts and replacing them with more balanced and realistic ones. For example, if someone with BPD believes that they are inherently flawed and unlovable, they can challenge this belief by examining evidence that contradicts it. They can reflect on positive relationships and accomplishments in their life, reminding themselves that they are capable of love and deserving of happiness.

Another helpful technique is reframing, which involves looking at a situation from a different perspective. Instead of automatically assuming the worst, individuals can try to find alternative explanations or interpretations for a given event. This can help them shift from a negative mindset to a more positive and realistic one.

Mindfulness practices can also aid in challenging distorted thoughts and beliefs. By cultivating present-moment awareness, individuals can observe their thoughts without judgment and recognize when they are being influenced by emotional reasoning. This allows them to step back, question the validity of their thoughts, and choose more rational and balanced interpretations.

Therapy, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy, can provide additional support in challenging and reframing distorted thoughts. Trained professionals can guide individuals through exercises and techniques specifically designed to address emotional reasoning and promote healthier thinking patterns.

Overcoming emotional reasoning is a gradual process that requires patience and persistence. By actively challenging and reframing distorted thoughts and beliefs, individuals with BPD can gain greater control over their emotions, improve their overall well-being, and cultivate healthier relationships with themselves and others.

“There's no "should" or "should not" when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings.”

― Fred Rogers

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